I’ll start the 43 days of vulnerability challenge by telling you that I have just survived the hardest time of my life.
Apart from those closest to me, I’ve never shared this online.
Anyone who knows me knows how sweet I am, ffs my name in Serbian translates to sweetness.
But what took place over the course of the last 7 years put a nice little dent in my sweetness-ness.
Before I met my husband, I was aware of the statement “you don’t just marry your spouse you marry their whole family” but thought nothing of it.
Let me shout it from the rooftops and tell you just how f*ing REAL that is.
Once you’re married your burden of problems doubles because now you have a new set of family dynamics that weight on you.
But this set was especially crushing for me because I became the blame for everything.
I was accused of changing my husband and pulling the family apart.
With my hand on my heart, I can tell you that this is not true, it was all a fabrication that caused major problems.
My mother-in-law is a commanding woman who I often describe as Queen Victoria because of her cruel and dominating personality.
She rules the roost. Not because she’s wise and others respect her, no, it’s because she’s so LOUD and demanding.
Without going too deeply into the personal details, because that’s really not the point of this blog, this situation has caused me deep personal turmoil.
I had previously thought that since I found the man of my dreams that I would then live the life of my dreams, you know ‘happily ever after’.
For years prior to meeting my husband I had worked especially hard on my own personal shortcomings so that I could attract a wonderful man – you don’t get what you want in life you get what you are – so I worked on myself to get a great man and a great man I did get.
But my expectations were way off. I’d assumed that by having the right guy the rest would be right too.
No, nope, way off.
It was not the case.
I learned pretty quickly that I could not control the circumstances outside my marriage and that left me falling from a great expectation height.
Expectations breed disappointment, they are dream killers.
Expectations are not wrapped in gratitude instead of dripping in entitlement.
Entitlement means a guarantee that you’re going to fail because the Universe only ever responds to gratitude - giving you more of what you’re already grateful for.
Had I learned to be grateful for my blessings sooner I may have retreated back into my lovely marriage and let it all go to hell without me. But I didn’t, I defended myself which only made matters worse.
So, when it comes to goal setting, like my goal of finding a great mate – always leave room for openness and gratitude for your life now and for what’s coming.
While I was hoping for a wonderful mate, I expected a great family to come with him.
My expectation made me feel foolish.
I know better now.
Gratitude without expectation is one of the secrets to getting all your dreams.